Help on product presentation script

Hello guys,

I'm new here and this is my very first post. Allow me to introduce myself, I'm Josh 26 from Brunei (it's in Asia). Nice to meet you all..

I'm starting a business which is providing free school supplies to local institution, I need to meet up with the division of student affairs to seek their approval and present them my concept and product. How it will benefit them and the students etc.

I've previously hired a copywriter to write up a presentation script for me however all the scripts were very lengthy and corny so I've decided to cut my losses and move on as he's clearly isn't thinking from a division of student affairs perspective.

I've written a presentation script myself instead however it's in very rough draft stages. I'm hoping I could find someone who is very experienced in fine tuning script as well as good knowledge of division of student affairs.

My preferred way of presentation is short and direct as I presume the staff of student affairs wouldn't have too much time on their hand, at the same time in a non-formal way and hoping to get some interaction during the presentation (more like a chat/discussion rather than presentation itself)

Due to the nature of my business I'll like to keep it confidential therefore I'm unable to openly discuss on it. I'm hoping professionals such as Doctor, Helen and others could help me out privately. It's definitely a paid project but I don't have too much to offer as I've already wasted some on the previous contractor.

I hope to be able to find someone who is experience in script writing and division of student affairs to help me out. Alternatively perhaps you could suggest a place where I could hire a professional to do so..

I hope my post did not violate any t&c of the website.

Thanks for reading.. hope to hear from you guys soon!

Kind regards,
Josh

depending on your timetable etc... BUT...

But number one is that if you mean a verbatim, formal script, that's not a good idea anyway as it looks false (unless you're an expert at delivering which given that you're asking for help here, I guess you're not! )

But number two is that you're probably better off finding a lady called Suze St Maur. She's an excellent script-writer. I'm away from my desk so I can't get her address for you but google should take you straight to her. (Tell her I sent you.)

Cheers.... Simon

Hi there Simon,

Thanks for responding and your recommendation. I've just dropped Suzan an email mentioning your name and we'll see how it goes from there.

Thanks again Simon,

Kind regards,
Josh

Hi guys I'm still looking for someone to help me out in fine tuning my presentation script.

Hope you guys can give me some advice or recommendation.

Thanks
Josh

Hi Josh

I'd be happy to help you by having a look at what you've got so far and giving you some feedback and suggestions.

I agree with Simon that it's better not to have a script. I also think that it's better that you do most of the preparation yourself - that way it will be in your own voice and you'll feel most comfortable with it.

You can contact me through my website which is in my signature.